This past weekend, I just kind of freaked out. The word that starts with f and sounds like yuck flowed from my mouth as easily as the sweat that poured from my body in the 90 degree temperatures and impossibly high humidity. I yelled, I cried.

I finally decided to do what I should have done all along. I braced the entire roof with wooden beams and bought 2 x2 square wooden panels to screw into the beams.

As an extra bonus, I stuck the white vinyl tiles that I had intended to use initially to the tiles. They looked great! And they stuck!

Until I installed them.

Note to self: Gravity honey … Gravity!

And in case you are wondering … I installed the tiles myself by pre-drilling the holes in the panels and then holding the panels up to the roof with my head while I screwed them into the new ceiling beams. No. Really.

In the middle of the madness, there were stitches:

And I finally ripped off the vinyl and screwed in the wooden panels without them. I am still missing two panels over the vent area, but I decided that that is … OK.

Because….

We are leaving today … when I get off of this computer … for Glacier National Park in Montana. The Pop-up is packed and ready to go.

It isn’t perfect, and it isn’t as finished as I had wanted it to be before leaving for our first trip, but it is livable. I will continue with the roof when I get back.

For now, bon voyage.

Wish me luck!

You seem to write a lot about health issues that you are having. I really think you should leave this out of your blog. I hope you won’t take this the wrong way, but you sometimes sound like you are whining.

Well, though I appreciate your opinion, you are free to not read those posts or simply avoid my blog altogether. I hope that you won’t take that the wrong way but this is my account of my life and experiences. Frankly, I wish that I could wake up tomorrow to discover that this has all been a bad dream. The health struggles that I have had have made me feel overwhelmed, exhausted and sometimes depressed. I realize that there are people who struggle with much more serious health problems every day and I am grateful for what is good in my life…but…sometimes I just need to express my frustration.

I was so relieved to read about your experiences after your chemo and rads. I am 3 years post treatment for DLBL and I have had trouble being taken seriously when I complain about symptoms that I have had. It helps just to know that I am not alone, even though I’m sorry that someone else has had to struggle. I also had a mediastinal mass. My radiation field was 2 x 3 cm even though my initial mass was 6 x 9. Why did you have a field that was 11 x 14 and do you think it contributed to the symptoms that you have had? Have you gotten a second opinion?

Congratulations on your three years! I do understand the validation that comes with hearing another person’s story, and I appreciated you sharing yours with me in your email. I don’t know why the after-care for cancer seems to be so lacking. It seems that once an oncologist can be fairly certain that you are in remission or are *cured* that they assume that your primary care provider will known how to manage any treatment-related issues. This is often just not the case. I also think that until recently, little attention was given to cancer survivors and the long-term health problems that they struggle with (both physiological and psychological).

There are a few resources out there worth looking at though. The NCCS (National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship) has a great deal of information for survivors and professionals. They offers cancer survivors the opportunity to get involved in advocacy and provide support through online modules to listen to, lists for what to talk with your doctor about, brochures dealing with the specific treatment that you received as well as message forums. There is also free, downloadable software that you can point your doctor to to help build a survivorship care plan.

Also, some cancer centers now have long-term follow up clinics for cancer survivors. The physician will examine you, comb through your health issues and will come up with treatment plans. They tend to work together with your primary care providers. In Minnesota, the Masonic Cancer Center has one. A more detailed listing is provided by the NCCS here.

I honestly don’t know why my field of radiation was 11 x 14 and it does bother me. In retrospect, my husband and I wish we had gone to the cities for the radiation. I don’t doubt the quality of my oncological care. My oncologist is a Mayo grad who continues to do studies with some of his peers from Mayo. At the time, he even hinted that for radiation we *might* want to consider Minneapolis. We had a baby in the NICU and 4 other children. It just didn’t seem reasonable at the time. We barely got through it as it was, and I don’t know how we could have managed it with spending several hours in the car on top of it all. I have gotten several different opinions about what is currently happening and for the most part it seems like there are some definitive answers and some *watch and wait* sort of answers. At this point, second guessing the 11 x 14 field doesn’t do much more for me than make me upset, so I just have to try to let it go.

Whatever happened to doctor friend? Did you end up resolving things?

The short answer to this question is really … I don’t know. The long answer is that … that’s ok. It will sound really crazy after how truly sad I was at the ending of this long-term doctor/patient relationship and friendship, but I am starting to realize that good things came out of it ending. Sometimes the things that are most painful, that we think are the worst things to happen to us, are actually better in the long run. Wow, I KNOW!

The doctor who rounded on me while I was in the hospital with the Trigeminal Neuralgia attack ultimately took over my care. It felt … awkward for me at first. I cried after my first appointment with him because I knew that it was a definitive end to a doctor/patient relationship that I had found very rewarding and personally fulfilling for many years. It turns out though, that this was a good move for me in terms of my health care … and my all around emotional health.

My new doctor is kind of old school.  He is a little paternalistic in his approach to the doctor/patient relationship but he comes off as kind of … an old country doctor.  I like him and … I respect him and the care that he has given me so far.  He made sure that I followed up with the neurologist about the neuropathies that have been plaguing me. He took the breathing troubles that I was having seriously and made sure that I got a CT and immediate follow-up with pulmonology. He has listened very attentively to me and I feel like maybe this … is what I needed.  We haven’t always agreed about everything.  For example, I asked him for something to help me sleep and he refused.  I would have liked to have a prescription, but ultimately had to respect that he was making a decision in my best interest based on the medications for the neuropathies that I am taking.

I had reached a point where I was just too embarrassed to talk to my former doctor about health issues.  I didn’t report the pre-trigeminal neuralgia pain, numbness and burning that I was having because I was embarrassed.  I was so afraid that it might be psychological instead of an actual problem and that I would look crazy.  Seriously, the symptoms were weird.   I couldn’t go to her when I was feeling depressed (thank you low B12?). I felt almost overcome by my concern with what she (and her nurse) would think about me personally and whether it would impact our friendship.  As a result, it affected my ability to seek out care.  Also, I felt very awkward and uncomfortable with the fact that the nurse and my former doctor knew so much about my personal medical issues.  In a friendship, there is equal sharing.  Perhaps these relationships were more one-sided than either one of us wanted to admit at that time.

Maybe … friendship can not co-exist in a doctor-patient relationship no matter how much two parties may like each other. Ultimately a physician is in a position of authority. In order for a patient to feel like they can share their mental or physical health problems, get undressed and trust that they are being treated with respect, I think that the patient needs to be able to distance themselves from their physician and the physician (in order to maintain objectivity) needs to be able to do the same. Anything else muddies the waters and invites conflict.

I initially tried to maintain some level of contact on a personal level after ending the professional relationship with her.  She did not respond after a few attempts and so I have laid it to rest for now … and perhaps permanently.  That part of it all does make me sad.  She is someone that I cared for very much.  At the same time, I feel like she handled our professional relationship very badly after the friendship falling out. She basically dropped me without talking to me. The only care that she gave me was through the clinic’s Nurse Practitioner. Even after I spent a weekend in the ER and then was hospitalized, I got no feedback or follow-up from her office. She later told me that she felt very stressed out and upset whenever she received a report from ENT, the ER, Neurology, etc and that she didn’t know how to handle things. Personally, I think that she should have met with me as a physician and made sure that I switched to a new physician since obviously we weren’t able to work together anymore. I was just hanging there in limbo and I didn’t know what to do. When I talked with her on the phone before my appt. with my new doctor, she wanted to know if I thought that there was any way that I could come back and see her instead of switching. That seemed selfish to me, considering that she had let her personal feelings interfere with providing medical care to me. Ultimately, I felt forced to change healthcare providers and then guilty for doing it.

There is a saying though that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  I thought that she would be a forever friend, but maybe her role in my life was to diagnose the cancer and see me through the first few years. In any case, I am forever grateful for her role in discovering the lymphoma and the memories of our friendship are good ones that I will tuck away in my mind.

The rest … well … I am slowly letting it go a little at a time.

With Aidan’s help, of course. Aidan, who then asked me if he would be allowed to take HIS kids camping in the trailer some day!

Zoe cleaned the tent while I worked on disinfecting the roof:
She did a pretty good job of cleaning, too!

Afterwards, I installed a new beam to add some additional support to the roof:

And finally….

New Styrofoam on 60% of the roof … until I ran out…
I also moved the electrical wires so that I can position the light more centrally.

I went to Mills Fleet Farm today to get more Styrofoam as well as the things on Andrew’s list for the big canoe trip he is leaving on tomorrow morning. $265 later (and NO Styrofoam), I am thankful that the weather let me take a break from the pop-up.

I think I can finish up the Styrofoam tomorrow after I put a second coat of polymer on the roof … Then I’ll have to wait and see how I can do the new paneling. My neighbor is out of town and I’m winging it! Won’t he be excited when he sees all that I’ve done!

Today has been more about getting Andrew’s stuff packed than anything else. It’s amazing what he needed for this trip: A special rain suit, special brimmed hat with lighting attachment…. My major concern is for him though. Last summer, when we tried to send him to summer camp, he called me so often (and at all times of the day and night) that I nearly had to pick him up. In that week, he had hardly slept at all. He slept for nearly 24 hours when we got him home. A few weeks later, we sent him to my dad’s house, and he called me repeatedly from there too. My dad ultimately hid the phone so he couldn’t call me anymore. I want Andrew to head off on this journey and have a truly wonderful trip getting to know some of the other boys from his school a little better. This is a wonderful opportunity for that. I see the early signs though that this might not work out how I want it to for him. He has been saying that the trip might not be a good idea, has been directly asking not to go (after we dropped $375 on the trip alone) and is becoming restless and aggressive about how he talks to us. They are all early signs that he is nervous and worried.

How do I prepare to send him off into the world. I feel like I need to start giving him these experiences … nudging him to the edge of the nest … but I’m so afraid that he won’t have fun and that he’ll be miserable and unhappy. I’m worried. I’m nervous for him. We had a terrible exchange of unkind words last night … his anxiety, my anxiety….the worry.

The final load of laundry is in the dryer right now and then his suitcase will be packed. I had Zoe draw a few pictures for Andrew to sneak into his bag … and maybe I’ll write a couple of quick notes of encouragement and hurry up and sneak them into his bag too.

Despite some pesky side-effects, I set out to get as far as I could today. I made a lot of progress too! I was able to rip out about 85% of the rotten wood on the ceiling. Very little remains for me to get rid of! I had to stop though after peeling back the corner molding and some of the rotten wood. I came upon a fist-sized ant nest filled with ants (or termites) and eggs! I nearly lost my lunch. Unfortunately for the critters, I had a can of ant kill in the garage. They lost the battle … and the war! After that though, I decided to leave the last of the wood for another day.

I put the trailer down and began to work on the roof outside.

Before:

I laid a special seam protector across any seams on the roof:

And ultimately painted the roof with a special paint made for roof repair. It will likely need a second coat, but this paint is supposed to seal the roof and prevent any further leaks.

Tada:

With the roof taken care of, I started focusing on the actual tent canvas.

Before:

I have no idea what the oily, greasy, crap was on the vinyl, but the cleaner that I used to get rid of it nearly took my fingers off too!

Tada #2:

I confess that I only managed to clean one side. I am trying to take things as I can until I’m back to feeling better and I don’t want to overdo it. I feel really great about what I accomplished today though!

My neighbor came over and showed me how to fix the 4-prong aka “pigtail” electrical circuit. After his lesson, I started mentally planning out all of the electrical things that I want to try and figure out how to do on my own. It isn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be! He also fixed my broken door for me. Before, the top and bottom parts of the door wouldn’t align…now they are perfect! Yay for good neighbors! Yay for me learning new skills.

So … as a final adieu before I head off to bed, I thought I would post pictures of the sleeping cushions and covers that I have out on my trash pile tonight for the garbage collectors:

This is the foam. It is absolutely chock full of fungus.

Here is a peek at part of one of the covers (you get the idea)

It was patched together. The other cover had a cigarette hole in it.

I wish I had thought to take a picture of the interior before I gutted it! LOL

I am making progress…Stay tuned…

So…ok…that means that my ability to think clearly and evaluate the trailer might have been skewed. I did notice that it smelled particularly musty (hey, don’t all tents) and that some of the wires were disconnected from the 4-prong (fixable, right?). Was the roof paneling kind of bulging and peeling on the inside? Water damage? It didn’t seem that bad. Definitely all fixable with a little elbow grease, right?

Yes, I ignored any signs that this might turn into a bigger project than I was bargaining for.

So what tipped me off that I was in over my head?

I got the trailer home, figured out how to pop it up (after an hour of trial and error) and promptly fell out of the door and sprained my ankle quite badly. A trip to urgent care 24 hours later confirmed the sprain and bought me a brace for stability. Hey, at least it isn’t broken. Back to working on the trailer.

I took the cushions out and realized after peeling off the covers that the foam was completely moldy and rotten….garbage can for sure. I tried to price out foam to replace it and realized I would spend a good $300 -400 easily on foam. Holy buckets Batman! Who knew foam is so expensive?

Lucky me … I went to Shopko and found some good options for seating cushions in the 50% off rack. Yay!

Seating cushions? Check!

Then I discovered some really nice futon mattresses on sale for $150 a piece. Though I haven’t bought them yet, they seem really comfortable and are about the size needed.

Bedding cushions? Check!

The important issue though seems to be the rotting roof. Duh!

While I was outside contemplating what to do about it … my foot in a brace, the smell of mold making me sick … My neighbor from across the street suddenly appeared in the trailer with me.

“Awesome trailer, Kris”
“It smells really moldy”
“It’s a tent…and hey, you can get rid of the smell…”

So, fabulous neighbor problem-solved with me. He told me about a special cleaning solution for the tent that I can get at Wal-Mart, showed me how to fix about a million little issues with the trailer (like the door not closing properly), helped me find the 4-prong electrical socket on my van, will help me fix the 4-prong electrical wires on the trailer, and then told me to peel all of the paneling off of the ceiling…and he’ll help me replace it with new paneling.

He thought I made a great deal on it.

So…I love my neighbor AND I feel hopeful about the trailer!

I got out there this morning and started peeling the paneling off and it works pretty well! I’m able to peel off right down the Styrofoam insulation fairly easily.

So…without any further commentary….let me introduce….my new home away from home…

I had to sand it and repaint it because it had graffiti on it.

leaking roof causing paneling inside to sag.

Getting rid of the rotten paneling.

Revealing the cleanable Styrofoam. I’ll be peeling it all back, disinfecting it and then fixing the roof from the inside with my neighbor. We will also be re-sealing the outside of the roof to make sure it doesn’t leak again!

More updates to come!

Anyway, if you were searching for boobies, this particular post is not about them … sorry. I’ve had 5 children and breastfed 4 … there is truly nothing exciting to talk about in that regard until after I get plastic surgery someday! (wishful thinking)

Today is about more catching up.

I saw the pulmonologist Thursday and the neurologist Friday…so to bore everyone more, I’ll finish that up and then try not to post about health issues for a long while. The pulmonologist feels that I have a non-infectious bronchiolitis because of the path report. This is likely due to chemo and/or radiation. He also added that it is possible that because of the spread to the left lung, it could be an indolent lymphoma. . The chances of that are not high, as it is statistically unlikely that I would have had one lymphoma and go on to get another…but it is not impossible…so…this means follow-up in 3 months and that we will need to watch this to make sure that it doesn’t continue to grow. If it does, it would mean an open lung biopsy because the areas are deep in the lung and not peripheral. I’m just going to count on the fact that this is purely a bronchiolitis. Life sure is stressful, and my inner monologue is at times so negative now that I just have to step back and start focusing on the good things in my life. It is just too easy to feel overwhelmed lately. I’m trying really hard to turn this around.

The neurologist that I see is really great. She is helping me deal with a renewed bout of Trigeminal Neuralgia that has been going on for 3 days now. Nothing screams cluster-you-know-what like facial pain that comes and goes and feels like you are having teeth pulled, your sinuses are exploding and your face is in a vice. It subsides long enough for me to think phew, it’s over and then comes back if the A/C blows on my face in the van or I drink something too hot….or…for some reasons that are as yet unclear to me. Though I saw her Friday, I had to speak with her again today because I am on the edge of being able to manage it. So … we have doubled the carbamezapine for now. Sob. Cross your fingers that it feels better soon!

Moving right along…The best news so far of summer is that I am going to look at a pop-up trailer for camping with the kids this afternoon. Thomas put his foot down a couple of years ago that we could absolutely not afford one and that it isn’t worth the investment of money because I have never taken them camping before and might “hate it”. I can’t disagree. We have a $150 Ikea sofa in our living room and a $50 wing chair from a used furniture store right across from it. If I’m going to spend a few thousand dollars it is going to be on furniture! Ahhh, the glamorous life of the dawkter’s wife. LOL.

So …. I found one for $300 on Craigslist. I’m going to look at it this afternoon, but here is the sneak peek:

Alright…it LOOKS like something you would buy for $300 and it needs a little TLC, but with the Montana trip looming, I figure that I will recoup the money that I spent on it for that trip alone. I’m going to change out the bed cushions, sew up the few holes in tent part….I have a new project! Color me happy! If I buy it, I will be posting pictures later today!

Cue music from the exorcist … and go fill up your wine glass if it’s empty. Settle in, because your advice will be encouraged, if not demanded!

Amanda spent 3 1/2 weeks at Oma’s house, but I assure you that although my laundry load literally was reduced by 50%, she was out of sight, but never out of mind. If she wasn’t on the phone refusing to speak with me because she hates me, then she was sending postcards to Thomas only. So then when I went through a day of not thinking about her, I spent an evening feeling guilty about it.

Ahhh, motherhood … not for weenies!

The separation was good for both of us and even though I felt guilty about enjoying the break, I think she needed it too. When I picked her up from the airport, I cried … and she was happy. We went out for a late night dinner (11pm) and in the midst of it, she confessed to

1. Sneaking out at night with her friends

and

take a sip of your wine

2. Trying marijuana with her friends once.

Hmmm. What’s a good mom to do? She confessed, told me she hated it and that she never wanted to do it again. I tried to maintain a poker face but inside I was just terrified. I want her to tell me these things, but I couldn’t help but eventually lay down the law about sleepovers with these girls. As a result, she accused me of judging her and told me she will never talk to me again.

Right.

Fortunately, within days of arriving home we sent her off to German camp for a week. This gave her more separation from her friends and a little more time for us to think about what we wanted to do.

We laid down the law about returning to the local schools for high school. No. Not going to happen. After ending her year with several D’s and C’s as her highest grades, and adding to that the fact that these social liaisons just don’t seem to be helpful, we made the decision for radical change.

We had already mailed applications to the prep school for Alex and Amanda and so we prepared her for the fact that she would be going to school with her brothers.

Fast forward to yesterday. We had the interviews at 3 pm.

Alex went in with his straight A’s (and yes, a D in band) and Amanda went in with her straight D’s but an A in choir … sigh. Alex did so well in the interview that it lasted twice as long as normal. The sixth grade teacher really connected with him and was thrilled to offer him a spot in the 6th grade for the Fall. Alex walked out of the interview, left the building and then lept in the air “I rocked that interview!”.

Amanda, on the other hand, walked in and stated “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have no interest in your school. I think it is a great choice for my brothers, but not for me.” She then spent 20 minutes outlining exactly why she wouldn’t be a good fit. The director of the high school called me into her office and basically told me that if Amanda changes her mind she is welcome, but that the school doesn’t accept kids who don’t want to come in order to maintain a positive environment.

Sob.

We are left with limited options. If we back down and allow her to go to the local school, we will lose all credibility. Beyond that, I feel that doing that basically means that we have given up on our daughter. I don’t think she can be successful in that social environment and with the block system that they have established. Allowing her to enroll would be accepting failure from the beginning.

Other option?

Take another sip.

Homeschooling.

Yes.

So that is the decision. We are enrolling her in Minnesota Virtual High School and I will be dropping kids off at school, coming home and helping her to log in and do her work. I will work at helping her with concepts she doesn’t understand and will give this a real effort. I have to be able to live with myself and know that I have given my daughter every possible tool to be successful. I don’t want to look back years later and have regrets. We will do this.

I am also taking graduate level Virology (online) and graduate level Human Physiology (On Campus) and I just can’t back down from that now. I can’t give up that part of myself. She will have to come to campus with me for class and lab during the week.

So there you have it. Aren’t you sorry you asked?

4-6 boneless chicken breasts
16 ounces of frozen lima beans
2-3 tomatoes
4 slices of uncooked bacon
3-4 tsp. vegetable oil
250 ml of whipping cream
2 teaspoons of vegetable stock broth
1 box of rigatoni noodles
2-3 green onions
1/2 cup of freshly grated parmesan cheese

1. Chop bacon and green onions into 1/4 inch pieces. Heat oil in a pan and begin cooking the bacon slices. Add the onion slices after the bacon begins to brown.

2. Slice chicken breasts into strips and add them to the bacon and green onions. Continue frying on medium heat until the chicken is cooked halfway through.

3. Add cream, 250ml of water, vegetable stock, and frozen lima beans. Allow chicken and cream sauce to cook on low until the chicken is cooked all the way through.

4. Cook noodles according to the instructions on the package and drain.

5. In a large baking dish, combine noodles and creamy chicken mixture. Chop up tomatoes and stir them into the casserole.

6. Add 1/2 cup of fresh parmesan cheese to the top of the casserole.

Cook Casserole at 350F for 20-30 minutes until bubbly and evenly heated. Enjoy!

What does it say about the craziness in my life right now that I hired a babysitter today so that I could 1. go for a walk and 2. get online. I even walked faster knowing that when I finished I could run to Caribou coffee and rejoin the modern world! Internet, how I have missed you.

Actually, I think I summed it all up pretty well last night when I had a meltdown moment to beat the band. I basically made sure that Amanda and Andrew were in babysitting mode and that the kids were cared for and then I took off in the van in tears and called Thomas (who was still at work at 7:30pm, of course) and tendered my resignation. “I quit this job. I can’t do it anymore. I refuse to live here anymore and spend all day by myself with children. I am driving out of town right now.” Of course, I didn’t tell him that by driving out of town I meant into the neighboring community with the coffee shop that has a drive-thru, but even so, my hysterics were award winning in a really melodramatic kind of a way. Instead of getting angry and making it worse, damnit if my husband didn’t show incredible compassion and understanding and offer to go out to dinner with me when he finished dictating.

So anyway, first things first:

Aidan’s brain MRI was normal. He does not have any tumor or lesions and has not had a seizure like he did before since we had him diagnosed. He saw the peds neurologist and has Rolandian seizures. These are the most common form of childhood seizures and are the kind that he can grow out of. We were warned that he is likely to have more and at that point we will have to treat. For now, we are continuing on without medication and I am ok with that.

I am sorry for leaving you hanging. I am not exaggerating when I say that I can’t even go to the bathroom at home without someone banging on the door, breaking something in the kitchen or opening the front door and running out. It has been really exhausting. This is one tough summer! At any given moment in time I can have Andrew off on a 30 mile bike ride with friends, Amanda with a friend in her room, Alex building a fort with the boys on a vacant lot, Aidan with his friend Gavin playing upstairs and Zoe with her friends Deanna and Evelyn painting pictures in the kitchen. Add to that the seemingly limitless messes and the fact that I am tethered to this house and feel like I can’t escape …. well, you can see why I tried to resign yesterday. I am getting to a point of absolute desperation when it comes to getting out and being with people. There are days that go by….literally days…where the only adult I talk to is Thomas … and he has been working late and is tired. Even then, if I talk to someone it is usually a phone call that is interrupted multiple times by “do you have any money, where are my baseball shorts, make me a Kid’s Cuisine…”. ugh.

Also … truth moment here … I switched to Tegretol to control the Trigeminal Neuralgia and it has made me so tired that I feel like a zombie some days. I’m told it will get better, but since it hasn’t on its own, I’ve started skipping doses so that I can function and do things like….drive or wash laundry. There was a week where I literally put all of the kid’s toys in my bedroom and laid in bed and watched The Food Network for hours while Zoe and Aidan trashed my room. Ridiculous. Seriously. The skipping doses thing is tricky because I am still needing pain management, but I have to be able to live my life. I’m so sick of my inner monologue over these health issues though that I promised myself I would not let it seep into my blog, so that is all that I’m going to say.

We have had our TV unplugged for the last couple of years and so all of the television programs that everyone has been talking about for years are new to me! I could literally watch Iron Chef and Throwdown with Bobby Flay for hours. (And seriously, Wife Swap is GENIUS! LOL) I also love the show where they are trying to pick the next Food Network star! I wish that I could throw together fabulous menus with just a few ingredients.

I was baking cupcakes the other day after watching one of those cupcake shows and it occurred to me that not a single one of my cupcakes was the same size and that I could never win an Iron Chef or Throwdown show. That being said, Bobby Flay doesn’t have to supervise three four year olds and two six year olds who are painting at the kitchen table while he wows the audience with his creations … They need to have some more realistic Mommy Throwdowns where contestants are given a box of cake mix, a banana, and strawberrry syrup to make a tasty new dessert (Oh, and it was good!).

In my version of a Throwdown show, when Bobby Flay would try to whip something up, a child would climb into the fridge and spill the orange juice while pillaging for cheese sticks. Another child would knock a new stoneware bowl onto the floor and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. While he was cleaning it up and making sure that no one cut themselves, the cat would jump on the counter and start nibbling on the meat….When he went to clean up after himself he would open the drawer and discover that his teen-age daughter had used every single towel to wash and dry her hands, that the oven mits were under the dog’s bowl. I think someone should pitch this to the network!

Thank you to all of you who gave me a gentle nudge to update. It is nice to feel cared about.

It feels a little like a swampland here lately. Hopefully, the rainbow and big beautiful blooms are not far behind!

Aidan had his EEG yesterday. I’ll be honest. I expected it to be completely normal. Part of the reason we put it off and went to Jellystone first is that both Thomas and I really doubted what we saw, especially after talking to the pediatrician. Though it seemed like a seizure, it was more likely to have been an night terror or bad dream and we were assured that the EEG in all likelihood would be normal, but we needed to “work it up” anyway.

The more time that passed after the episode that we witnessed, the more I doubted myself. I even felt a little … well … annoyed staying up all night for the sleep-deprived EEG. Aidan slept from 8pm-2am and then I woke him up and we stayed up and watched movies until it was time to check in for the test at 8am.

We were told it would take 60-90 minutes, but the tech decided to stop after ~45. I considered that good news. It did not seem that Aidan had had any seizure activity.

Introduction: This is a 21-channel EEG performed using the standard 10-20 system of electrode placement with one channel for EKG monitoring. This was performed as an extended tracing for approximately 46 minutes with the patient in the awake, drowsy and asleep states. Photic stimulation and hyperventilation were employed during the tracing….

Impression: Abnormal EEG due to very frequent epileptiform activity in the left hemisphere primarily in the centroparietal region. This, at times, becomes rhythmic after photoic stimulation and in drowsiness. There is some spread ot the right hemishpere with some generalized activity. Clinical correlation is suggested.

We are having his brain MRI on Monday and are hoping that that doesn’t suggest any abnormalities and that it is easily manageable and benign.

Sometimes in life, it doesn’t rain … it just pours. I know that a rainbow always follows a stormy day here, so I’m going to look out for it!