In November, I set off to create a healthier me. In the process, I ended up gaining 25 pounds. Yup. I credit my weight gain to all of the time that I spend in my car driving to school or taking kids to their activities. Well …. that and my addiction to fast food and my stress eating. The winter was absolutely awful this year and I didn’t get outside much. We had multiple days where the kids’ schools were cancelled due to how cold it was. It was truly miserable … and I let it win. I promised myself that when summer came, I would get out every day and walk and I did …. twice a day … for about a week.
The truth is that I feel defeated. I’m at my highest weight since Zoe’s birth and all of the steroids/chemo etc. I feel embarrased to go out. I’m truly humiliated by my weight. It seems like I keep starting diets that only last a few days and this cycle keeps me feeling ashamed and kind of broken.
Today, I started a 365 day challenge for myself. No diets. The promised of exercising daily even if it just means a 15 minute walk around the block. I feel like can get in better shape over the course of the next year if I focus on making small changes that will become a part of my regular life. Several years ago, I lost nearly 70 pounds. I did it without dieting. I ate normal portions of meals and walked daily. I need to find that place again. It’s hard. I did so well for such a long time and then the weight just started piling back on. I realize now that I’ve spend my entire adult life being overweight. I’m desperate to lose a lot of this weight so that I can move more comfortably, play soccer with my kids, and feel better about myself. I’m not interested in posting before pics right now … but I do think it will be helpful for me to journal about my journey.