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The Loony Bin

November 3, 2013

Starting over

I used to blog for myself regularly several times a week.  I loved that writing helped provide me with perspective and emotional release.  It was a way for me to find perspective in the midst of the chaos of raising five kiddos. Life can be so busy.

I fell out of blogging over the past two years slowly, as the pace of life increased and the pressures on my time grew. Starting grad school was also a significant factor. Shit. The writing in grad school is simply crazy.  My writer’s block has writer’s block.  I’m not even kidding!  I’ve committed to myself to try and keep more caught up in my posting.  I hope I can stick with it. 

So … Grad School …

I started my second year in August.  It’s hard for me to believe.  That first year passed by so quickly and was so full of fun.  I met a great group of women and men that were all at the same place in the program. We were able to take most of our classes together.  I had so much fun with them.  This year has been different.  Most of my new peers were in a different program from me. Our core courses were the same, but now we’ve split off in different direction. Boo!  We almost never see each other.  My two favorite people ultimately dropped out of the program.  Both of them just couldn’t coordinate family and school at this time in their lives.  I totally get it.

This summer, I enrolled in my regular load of classes, planning on sticking with a 3 year gradation plan.  I got over that idea.  The main course I enrolled in was taught by a professor whose expectations were out of this world.  I spent weeks studying myself into a heap on the floor and finally realized that it wasn’t worth it.  I just couldn’t do it.  I dropped the class, which was so freeing to me.  I reduced my load for this semester to make things doable.  It will take me four years.  Maybe five.  I don’t care.  I’m not in a rush to finish, so why hurry?

These choices have been very freeing for me.  I took the class I dropped this summer with a new professor this Fall.  It has been much less hectic and way more enjoyable.  I also started part 1 of  my 3-part psychological assessment courses.  I was able to earn the highest grade in the class on the first exam. Yay me!  It’s all because I’ve been able to pace  myself much better now though.

My biggest problem with grad school is the writing though.  There is so much of it for every course that I have developed an aversion to writing. When I look over a syllabus for next semester’s registration process and see a writing component (all the classes have them) I start to panic.  I used to love writing for fun … for coursework … now? No thanks.  It is one think I won’t miss about finishing this Master’s degree.

I have really enjoyed my program though and I feel like I’m slowly learning a new way of thinking about life … myself … my world. 

I’m not sure what I want to do with myself after I get my degree.  There was a long time that I had hoped to go on to a doctoral level degree.  I figured out that when I graduate with my MA though, I will be 46 or 47.  That is absolutely stunning to me. I can’t believe I’ve gotten so old.  In all likelihood, I will work after my degree and give up my longing for a PsyD or PhD.  That’s a tough call.  We’ll see what happens down the road.  For now, I’m just happy working through my courses and taking care of my family.  I’m really at a good place with my life right now as it is.  

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