The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

The Loony Bin

March 13, 2013

What do you want your life to look like?

That’s the theme that’s been running through my brain this past 6 weeks or so.

I mentioned my bipolar diagnosis in January … an explanation … finally …. for what I have suffered with for so many years.  The problem is that I don’t like this explanation.  I was ok with the idea that I struggled with periods of dark depressions that needed to be treated.  The other part?  Not so much.  It’s hard for me to accept something that I perceive as so stigmatizing.

A diagnosis though … doesn’t have to define how I see myself, and it can be a good starting place for recovery.  That’s how I’m trying to look at things right now. Knowing what this is can help me to tailor the best treatment for myself so that I can move forward in a new way.

For the most part, I’ve decided that I don’t want to focus on that part of my life right now for my blog. I want to focus on what is good about my life and try to savor the elements of my family and life that sometimes fall out of focus when I’m in the midst of a terrible depression or am bouncing about on a project.  I want to regain my balance.  I realize that over the course of this last year in particular that I haven’t taken many pictures of my children and that I’ve really forgotten so much of our day-to-day life.  These are the things that I cherish when I feel well, and I’m taking a step back into health by turning towards what I value so much again.

I’m continuing with school for now, with the idea that when I do recover, I will have more perspective and insight that could be helpful for others.  I’m being cautious about my future plans right now, but my classmates and the courses I’m in are some of the best parts of my life right now …. so I’m going to hold on to it.

Back to Family:

This morning, Zoe was up earlier than usual and she was sitting at the center island brushing her hair:

Zoe:  Mom, how many hours am I at school every day?

Me: Hmmm…about  6 hours

Zoe: WHAT? You mean I could be in your bed watching Disney for 6 hours but I have to be at SCHOOL?

It’s priceless.  Zoe and Aidan have been outrageously difficult in the mornings this year.  They fight like cats and dogs every. single. day.  This delays us and recently, they have been tardy daily.  Yesterday, they fought so much in front of the office clerk that she said “stop.  I can’t take your arguing anymore. No. More. Arguing!”  At least she feels my pain!

This is what I want my life to look like: Recovery….strength …. compassion … family

  1. I am so sorry, but so happy for you too. Having a diagnosis will make all the difference in the world. When you know what you are working with you can make a plan to manage it before it gets the better of you. It also take a lot of courage to be so honest:-) I think your self reflection of “what do I want my life to look like” is a great pattern for everyone. I often find that the things I am doing don’t support what I want my life to be. It’s easy to get distracted. Good luck and I am cheering for you.
    Jane @ From A Doctor’s Wife recently posted..Match Day My Profile

    Comment by Jane @ From A Doctor's Wife — March 18, 2013 @ 5:37 pm
  2. Thanks Jane. You’re right … it’s easy to get distracted. I appreciate the support!


    Comment by ~me~ — March 24, 2013 @ 10:04 am

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