The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

The Loony Bin

August 2, 2012

Hills and valleys ….

First, I want to start off by telling you how much I appreciate the emails of support and encouragement.  I was a little nervous about sharing my depression and the struggles that I have had to feel better.  I received several very kind and supportive emails that really lifted me up.

I want to assure you that I’m doing everything that I can to take care of myself so that I can continue to be a good parent to my children and … so that I can ultimately find a happier and more peaceful place myself.

I started working with a therapist who focuses on helping survivors of trauma and sexual abuse and I also found a physician to help me sort through whether I need an antidepressant to help get me through.  This is truly the first time in my life that I have sat down and started focusing on my life growing up and the details of the abuse that I experienced.  I could fill up the hour easily with details of my week with the kids, but instead, we choose to set aside the hour as a time to start focusing on healing the past instead of charging forward and just finding band-aids whenever things are tough.

I know that this has contributed to my depression, but I also feel like I am finally beginning to free myself of some of the shame and sadness that have held me hostage for so many years.  I know that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I also feel positive that this is going to make a huge difference in my life.  I already see that it is.

I have been working really hard to keep myself going.  I am trying to focus on things that I enjoy and that are good for me each day.  I have been exercising more, meditating with a nice cup of coffee in my serenity garden and have also been doing a lot more gardening.  I created a brand new garden in the back this weekend and then yesterday I finally finished cleaning up our front garden.  It was over-run with a flower that just grows like a week.  I wish I had a before picture of how awful it had become!  I also had a small pond in there that had filled with a year’s worth of dirt and debris.  It smelled so badly that it was embarrassing when people came to the house and had to walk by it.

I removed it, washed it out, reinstalled a filter, and put our goldfish into it (and man are they happy!)

It look so much better and really made me feel happier once all of the hard work was done.  I can be proud of our entryway now.

Finally, I would like to introduce you all to Gabby:

After spending time grieving the loss of Molly, we went to the humane society after noticing that Gabby had just been listed.  We were the second people to look at her.  She is a 5 month old Black Lab and has to have the sweetest, most shy personality of any dog I have ever met.  She is such a loving and nurturing little girl.  The kids all adore her and she has already happily settled in with all of our cats.  Funny, but our cat, Scouty, who always sneaks outside to hunt brought her a bird today.  He literally came up the stairs and put it right in front of her.  She scooped it up in her mouth and the two of them started to walk back towards the yard.  I took the poor bird away, but I was truly surprised by Scouty’s display towards Gabby.

There is a lot of good to focus on, and I’m really working on it … one day at at a time …

  1. You are so brave putting yourself out there and being transparent. Not an easy thing to do! And you’re right…one day at a time.

    Thanks for sharing and am excited to have “met” you!

    And Gabby sounds adorable!
    Amber recently posted..#iwantmypantiesback {my day in hashtags} My Profile

    Comment by Amber — August 3, 2012 @ 9:02 am
  2. Thanks, Amber. I’ve spent most of my life feeling ashamed about my childhood and my life. I’ve decided that it’s ok to open up and be ‘real’ … finally.

    Gabby is incredibly shy and sweet. :)

    Nice to *meet* you too.
    ~me~ recently posted..Hills and valleys …. My Profile

    Comment by ~me~ — August 3, 2012 @ 9:25 am

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