The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

The Loony Bin

June 6, 2012

Not my child …

Catching up, part 2.

“Everyone is doing it.”
“All teenagers try it. It’s normal.”
“Why do you have to make such a big deal out of this.”
“It isn’t bad for you. Why is alcohol legal when it is so much worse? It should be legal!!!”

Right. You guys know where I’m heading with this don’t you? It has to be every parents worst nightmare, and frankly, if you had told me even 2 weeks ago that this issue would pop up in our house I would have rolled my eyes at you behind your back. Not my kid … no way. My husband and I have really worked hard at teaching our children about the dangers of alcohol and drug use. We’ve tried to do it in an upfront, honest way and I have never not trusted them.

Two weeks ago, my husband and I went for a rare night out to eat. We decided to leave our cell phones in the car instead of bringing them in because we have a bad habit of checking emails, texts and the internet and we’re trying to work harder at being in the moment with each other again.

So … when we got out to the car, we noticed that we had each received a call from a secure number … in other words, the hospital. We figured that someone had try to page Thomas and that the hospital had tried both of our cell phones like they usually do. He called the operator, but no one could figure out who might have called.

So … we went for a walk. We talked, laughed and reconnected in a way that we really needed. It’s been a very long time since we’ve had the chance to just relax together.

We drove home feeling reconnected and hoping that the kids were already asleep.

As I walked into the kitchen though, I was greeted by the entire family. My 17 year old son met me and told me that he needed to talk to me right away…and that’s when the little kids blurted out that … yep … you guessed it … he had been picked up for having a small amount of marijuana on him. He received a citation.

And so began my adventure into “holy shit, it happened to us”.

I still can’t believe it. Apparently, his ‘friends’ had called and he had used his money to buy it for the group. It was a pitifully small amount (the police officer laughed over it) but he owned up to it and took the complete responsibility. Everyone else got off with a slap on the wrist … even the driver of the car!!!

In my shock, I logged into his Facebook. What I discovered really upset me and made me realize how much I have to worry about. I took screenshot after screenshot of a friend who perceives him as being wealthy and wanting him to pay … and I got the distinct impression that he was only being invited for that reason. The person selling it to him? A straight A honors student who just graduated from the local college preparatory school … also with a parent as a doc. Other users? Holy crap … the messages were unending. These kids on FB talk of nothing else.

I’m having trouble being angry with my son (though trust me, it’s there) because I see that here is my child who has struggled so much to fit in … and he finally did when he was giving kids money to buy their … stuff. I read as he tried to sound cool about things that he clearly had little knowledge of. I talked to him later about how miserable he is socially and how on the occasions that he did engage in this behavior, he felt more normal … and it scared the crap out of me.

What comes next?

I always promised myself that if any of my children went down this path that I would be move into a little cabin and take them away from all of the negative influences in their lives.

So …. I’ve been trying to get the pop-up road ready. We’re heading out. This is going to be the summer of reconnecting after a tough year, and pulling back.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a brand new summer on the road!

  1. Hey Kris, I don’t think there’s much I can say that would help with what you’re dealing with, so I’ll just say hang in there! You’re a GREAT Mom and like most challenges in life, “this too shall pass”!

    Comment by Path201X — June 10, 2012 @ 12:00 pm

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