The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

The Loony Bin

February 17, 2011

…and the iPhone has it

Remember when I said that I hoped my iPhone working was a foreshadowing of my week to come?

It was.  Only in a different way than I had imagined.

I can still  make calls, text and do all of the things I could before, but the sound function is wonky.  I can no longer adjust the volume with the side buttons, and my phone no longer takes a charge. The only way for me to keep it running is to have it continuously plugged in. Thank goodness it works though!

My ears  did not improve on the steroid burst.  My left ear looked worse on clinical exam last Tuesday. Quote from my doctor “what the heck have you got going on in here?”

The fact that the steroids had no impact implies that it is not inflammatory or allergic …. we’re back to pondering the neurological.

He set me up with ENT and I’ve been waiting to see if it would go away on its own for over a week.  My appointment is tomorrow.  I would get all worked up about it and the possibility of adding eustachian tube dysfunction to the growing list of problems related to cranial neuropathy, but I made a decision not to earlier this week. It is what it is.  I’m tired of letting these issues be the driving force in my life.  I have started working on getting my old self back. That’s hard to do, because it seems like every time I sort of adjust to a new issue something else crops up.  It scares me.  At the same time, I feel like I have a choice about how I want to live my life, and it isn’t sitting around worrying.

The weather has been absolutely incredible and I’ve been taking some time to get back outside walking again.  I’ve gained more than 20 pounds this winter stuck inside fretting about this and that, so I decided to recommit to just taking care of myself and not focusing as much on the numbers on the scale.  When I lost the 65 pounds, I did it through walking and eating whatever I wanted in moderation.  I have allowed the stress of this last year to rob me of peace of mind and some of my weight loss. I went to Kohl’s and bought some clothes a size larger than I did a few months ago.  It was hard to force myself to do it, but I have been walking around in sweats and leggings because none of my new clothes fit anymore.  That made me feel even worse about myself. Now that I have a few nice things to wear, I feel like I can dress back up, put on make-up and be ok with myself while I get things under control a little more.

For the last couple of days, I have walked without making any effort to rein in what I’m eating.  I think I even … ate more than I usually do.  Today I will get back to my old meal plans.  I feel like I am recommitting to just feeling better about myself and life in general.

As for everything else?

The last week was pretty crazy!  After Alex’s birthday, my mom came up to stay for the longest visit she has had in awhile.  She flew in last Tuesday and left on Sunday.  This gave us the opportunity to spend a little more time together and to celebrate her birthday with her Space Alien’s style! :)  We all had a lot of fun with her and I think it is one of the better visits she and I have had.  I thoroughly enjoyed this visit.

The short list?

Andrew got a couple of good pieces of news: he scored in the 97th percentile on the national German exam and was nominated for the National Honor Society. Wahoo! He is working hard on getting ready for the baseball season to start too.  Things have been so pleasant with him for the most part.

It has really made me stop and think about the things that I heard about him through the years from his teachers … “good luck with that one”, “weird”, “don’t send him to the Prep school, he will fail”, “adhd”, “aspergers” …..

For the most part, the feedback that I got about him before sending him to the school he is at now was negative. It hurt him, and it hurt me. I felt like a failure as a mother and like I had let him down in some way. I questioned what I knew about him. I questioned myself for not believing what I was hearing from the so-called experts and for forging ahead without their “help”.

This year has been the great awakening for Andrew.

He has secured his footing academically and it is both easy for him and fills him with pride. I no longer need to sit with him at the table to keep him company while he studies or go over his papers. He gets it all done on his own without my encouragement or help. Socially, he is the most active he has ever been.  Though he continues to hold back at school, his calendar is always full with friends from the nearby neighborhoods. As baseball ramps back up, I know he will fall back into relationships with that group too. And baseball: he hits like a baseball player now. His private lessons started a few weeks ago and when I watch him swing now, I see confidence and the making of a baseball player …. he is so far removed from where he started last year that it is mind-blowing.

Where would we be today if I had listened to those early criticisms? It makes me angry.

Amanda is doing well with her classes. She is making all A’s and B’s right now and seems to be pretty self-directed about it. She doesn’t want me involved at all and resents my continued presence … but I feel like I have to work to keep her on task.  She has had an awakening of sorts too.  Recently, she went to a sleep-over with many of her friends from the high school.  She hasn’t seen these girls in months. “Mom, they are fake. They laugh about other people and stupid things and they just aren’t nice”. I’m happy that she is stepping back and realizing this.  She has become so easy to live with over the last few months. It does make me wonder for her about where we’re going with the home-schooling. She has been dragging her feet a little lately and I think it might be because she doesn’t want to finish up 9th grade before next year so that she is forced to stay home for 10th grade.  I think that we’re headed in that direction and I need to figure out how to make this work long-term. We spend too much time in the house and I think it’s time to start branching out. I plan on joining the local homeschool group this week.

Alex is busy planning his late birthday party … and now that the snow is melting, he’s already outside taking measurements for the fort he wants me to build this summer. He is always one step ahead, which keeps me on my toes. His pre-algebra grade has moved from a B to an A and if he can keep it up, he will be allowed to advance to algebra this year.  It’s funny how all of my nagging didn’t make a difference at all, but as soon as his teacher told him that he needed a B to move on to the next level he swung into action.  I always feel guilty about writing these little family synopses because Alex seems to get the shaft.  He is Mr. Happy-go-luckky for the most part and it seems like I have less to say about him.  Middle child. LOL.  He is a sweet-heart (when he isn’t picking on Aidan!).

Aidan has been struggling lately because some of the kids at school have been teasing him. As a result, he’s been missing the bus on purpose and has had several tardies over the last two weeks in particular. Yesterday, we were threatened with the “we’re turning you over to the truant officer” number. :o  Here we are working with his teacher and trying different things to help him and the secretaries just acted like jerks! I was able to speak with the principal and he was very understanding and told me not to worry about it for another second … he agreed that they needed to have the whole picture before simply reporting us and that it was ludicrous … but still!  Our school disrict is crazy about tardies or absences.  When I hear about people who live in other places taking their kids out of school for family trips to disney or europe or … .whatever, it upsets me. If I did that, I’d be turned in for sure!

meh.

Zoe has had a cold for the last week which has her crabby and a little difficult.  Poor pumpkin.  She doesn’t have a fever, but continues to cough and feel  yucky.  It is going around her school and there isn’t much we can do.  Like us, she’s is excited about Andrew’s baseball season starting and can’t wait for the snow to melt so that we can get to the games!

The snow IS melting!  It was almost 50F yesterday (up from the low of -25F a week ago when my mom was here!). You can see the grass now in many areas and the pond is melting.  I would suggest that it could be a foreshadowing of nice things to come, but I fear that might bring on the great snow storm of 20111 …. so …. I’ll just focus on enjoying today!

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