The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

Surviving Cancer,The Loony Bin

April 16, 2010

Lead up to the Birthday…

Zoe turns 4 tomorrow. Since her birthday falls on a Saturday, we made our annual rounds today. Our first stop was the doctor who delivered her. After that, we visited … the nolongerdoctorfriend. Viva la Xanax and pass the rum!

After waiting for about 15 minutes in the waiting room, we were ushered back by the nurse (the same one who talked about me behind my back, bawled me out on the phone and then systematically cut me completely out of her life as if I were some sort of leper). I intended to be polite and neutral when I saw her. Instead, I wandered into hyper-friendly babble. Someone SHUT. ME. UP. Seriously…I want my mouth sewn shut!

Every year, I have Zoe make something for this person as well as the other doctor(s). I decided to maintain this and let her do this. I think it is a nice symbolic gesture. This year, she painted a nice picture for the OB/GYN (which he promptly hung on the wall of his office with Zoe’s help)…and for doctorfriend, she painted a wooden princess wand and small box with lid.

It was awkward. I was polite, she was polite…we both were uncomfortable….I realized by looking at her face that she will never be able to have a grown-up conversation with me to get past this even though I have secretly hoped that time heals all…and that maybe at some point we could find common ground. I need to figure out why I still want a relationship with someone who has treated me this way. What does it say about me?

Finally, we went up to the NICU where we dropped off our donation of new preemie clothes and receiving blankets. This year, Zoe was thrilled to carry the bag of “princess” outfits for the babies and was terribly disappointed that she didn’t get to feed the babies once we got there.

We took pictures at the door of the NICU and of her handprint….and then home we went.

Today is hard for me…tomorrow will be bittersweet as well. It has been 4 years since her birth, but as a friend of mine who lived through this experience with me recently said, this has been an incredible and difficult journey…it is not one that will be forgotten. This friend is a 20 year survivor of breast cancer and she carries her journey with her as well.

Here’s to the journey…

Baby Zoe sleeping in her baby Zoe onesie!


  1. OMG, the CUTE! It’s killing me! Happy Birthday, lucky little girl!

    Comment by element_md — April 16, 2010 @ 10:36 pm
  2. OMG, the CUTE! It’s killing me! Happy Birthday, little girl!

    Comment by element_md — April 16, 2010 @ 10:37 pm
  3. I edited too late – she’s not lucky. She’s blessed. :)

    Comment by element_md — April 16, 2010 @ 10:37 pm
  4. Happy Birthday beautiful Zoe!

    Comment by Heidi — April 20, 2010 @ 6:28 am

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