The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

Surviving Cancer,The Loony Bin

April 14, 2008

A rare glimpse…

It isn’t very often that I’m willing to provide a brutally honest glimpse into the dark side of raising kids and my life … but today I’ve decided to make an exception. With a good 6 months of winter behind us (and over a foot of snow still on the ground), tween and teen hormones cresting and falling to the rhythmic beat of Three Days Grace’s I Hate Everything about you and two totally burned out, exhausted and completely overwhelmed parents who almost never get a break, it’s only logical to assume that we have been heading for a crash.

Let me back up…Thomas had Monday off this week. All weekend we planned what we would do with our day together: Drive to Ikea, or spend the day watching movies downstairs on the big screen tv, or going out to the mall here and letting the little ones play and then walk around. It felt like Monday was going to be a big vacation day. He hasn’t had a day off in what seems like forever and we were sooo looking forward to it. But…with the constant demands of the kids on the weekend and a two year old who was labeled by the NICU follow-up clinic as “sleep-disordered” for her frequent night awakenings (though it is getting better) we were just too exhausted. Monday morning, I got all of the kids to school while Thomas slept in. Then, when I got home, I got to go back to bed and sleep until noon while he took care of picking Aidan up and seeing to it that Zoe was entertained and cared for. After lunch, I got up and he laid down while I took care of Zoe (Aidan laid down and napped with him) and picked up the older ones. They both slept until 7pm.

And so went our week…another endless cycle of exhaustion without rejuvenation. Thomas had to work late nearly every night because his partner took time off and left him to see double the patients, while I struggled to get to Spring Concerts, Kung Fu, school and help kids with assignments that required parental help (taking over 2 hours one night…I expect to get my A in the mail any day now.).

This was all topped off by the snow storm Thursday night and the previously mentioned Friday of noisiness, headaches, teen/tween sass and by my feelings recently (like…all winter) of wishing desperateley that I was anywhere during the day but home…and an emotional storm was definitely brewing. I’ve gained 20 pounds on the steroids in the last month alone, and struggled with sleeplessness, depression and anxiety all courtesy of the steroids.

To add to my depression and bad feelings lately…was my visit with the pulmonologist a couple of weeks ago..which I might as well finally talk about….backing up even more now.

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