The Dawkter's Wife - It's all champagne and caviar now … dahling

Surviving Cancer,The Loony Bin

March 28, 2008

As the stomach churns…


This has been such a hard winter for me and I feel like I have literally just been hanging on for dear life!Free Smiley Face Courtesy of

I keep trying to stay positive and right now…it’s just not there. So…you have been forewarned.

Tuesday, the older kids went back to school. This kicked off the daily drive-a-thons, homework projects and talk of tests and quizzes. Amanda even had a pop quiz in science when she got back after Easter vacation. I don’t understand why, but apparently, the teacher felt it was important. No comment. Andrew also has exams this week after being off for Spring Break last week. I can’t wait until summer when I don’t have to have their school stuff hanging over my head. Even thought I’ve distanced myself from the responsibility of it getting done, it weighs heavily on my mind.

Zoe also had her NICU follow-up appointment on Tuesday.


This was really just nothing more than an after-thought in my mind. I know that I have mentioned her gait abnormalities in the past, but I have kind of been working to let go of some of my concerns for her. We were set up for an appointment in the cities with orthopedics and got a letter from them stating that intoeing is very common in young children and doesn’t need to be evaluated unless it doesn’t go away by the time a child is 8. So…Thomas and I cancelled the appointment and decided to try and move past our fears.

At the NICU appoinment though, the OT/PT person was not happy really with where Zoe is at developmentally with her motor tasks. Apparently, Zoe’s motor *planning* is off or something. When she was younger, she had a weird way of crawling. Now, she has a weird way of going from standing to sitting, continues to show right-sided dominance (which I would not have guessed was a problem, but apparently she has shown handedness and a refusal to use the left hand for tasks since she started attending the follow-up clinic) and when she examined Zoe’s gait by having her run up and down the hall, she took wide, awkward steps, her legs started buckling in and by the third pass, she had tripped herself. Right there…in front of the PT/OT specialist. Zoe is also a bundle of energy that is sometimes just frenzy. Tuesday was no exception and the PT person felt that it could be related to the difficulties Zoe has integrating her environment or something. Who knows. I’m not even sure that I buy into it all anymore. In any case, she wants her evaluated by PT again to see where we need to go. She is sending us outside of the system this time because the PT people here never followed up with us. The NICU doc suggested that Zoe was *borderline* on several of her tested tasks.

To me, this is becoming like an extension of the bad pregnancy and all of the ultrasounds that I had for her…. “this is wrong, that is wrong…” I just can’t get myself worked up anymore. I feel numb to it all now.

Then Wed. I had the most unusual, uncomfortable doctor’s appt. ever. I was a little nervous about going to pulmonology because I don’t know the doctor and I’m so sensitive about my weight. This guy had absolutely NO bedside manner at all.

I don’t even know how to write about the rest of my appointment right now…

I have truly been in a funk all week, so with today being Friday, I’ve decided to kick things up into high gear to really enjoy the weekend with the kids. We’re expecting snow, so I’ll have to get creative.

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